Forgiveness and Dealing With Your Offenders
Forgiveness helps us to sustain and maintain healthy social friendships. Forgiveness involves disconnecting from the past and welcoming the future with open arms. Forgiveness is an instrument used by God’s hands to replace a painful past with a bright future.

Broken past
When we are offended, we are hurt. Our emotions bear an open wound. Unfortunately, when we choose not to forgive, we are in essence choosing not to release the past. Perhaps a friend gossiped about us. We were hurt. We felt betrayed. Refusing to forgive has tied us to the pain of the past, and we continue to endure a broken heart. We are not happy. The future of our friendship is now bleak.
When other people offend us, the various wounds of our heart multiply. With so many painful areas in our hearts, no wonder we are so depressed without knowing our pain is due to unresolved hurt from the past. Forgiveness will give us a future free of the pain that belongs in the past.

Broken Friendships
Forgiveness is important in maintaining relationships. While our friend might have been guilty of hurting us, “closing the door” on them may lead to a lot of broken friendships.

For example, perhaps our friend did not support us when everyone was against us. At the time, we felt betrayed, but perhaps he acted under duress. Prior to the incident, he had never acted in this way, but the pain of betrayal is more than we can handle. We are not ready to entertain the idea that he might have learned a lesson or that he feels guilty about what he has done. We close our hearts to him.
Our refusal to forgive our offender has now deprived us of the many years we shared together. One offence has obliterated the many good things we did for each other, the many years of fun and joy we had. A blind rage has exaggerated his offense in our minds and clouded our mutual love. The focus is no longer on the good times; the attention has been drawn to this one event. The reality is that if we reject our friends for their shortcomings and refuse to forgive them, we will soon be left without any friends.

A man [that hath] friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend [that] sticketh closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24).

Forgiveness, on the other hand, is being tolerant of the weaknesses of our friends and family. It is showing mercy to their weakness and in doing so, we benefit from a healthy social life.

Broken Future Relationships
Being unforgiving also affects future friendships with other people. Forgiveness helps us to enjoy new relationships. When we do not forgive, we are unable to open up ourselves to a new potentially healthy relationship. We keep remembering what our friend did to us and we are afraid to venture into a new friendship. We want to protect ourselves. There is this invisible wall that surrounds us. We have been maimed by the past because we have not resolved past issues with our old friend. What our friend did to us still haunts us. This makes us unable to truly trust anyone again. We assume everyone will eventually repeat what our old friend did before. Future relationships are now compromised.

Absalom lost a healthy relationship with his father David. It all began when Amnon, David’s heir to the throne, raped his half-sister, Tamar, Absalom’s full sister, with David not levying adequate justice on Amnon (2 Samuel 13). Absalom must have been deeply hurt not just because of the rape but because justice was not served. Two years later, Absalom killed his brother Amnon in revenge for the rape and fled to Geshur, the home country of his mother and the relationship with his father continued to decline.

When Absalom returned from exile and his father still did not want to see him, the feelings of anger continued, unabated. In the meantime, he started sowing seeds of anger against his father the king. He criticized the judicial system of the court, which he saw as a reflection of his father’s weakness. Soon, other people began to see the weakness in his father and they viewed Absalom as an emerging hero. Before long, he had won their hearts.

And on this manner did Absalom to all Israel that came to the king for judgment: so Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel (2 Samuel 15:6).

Eventually, he mounted an army against his father, a step that would later mean his own downfall and eventual death. A past of refusing to forgive deprived him of a good future.

Forgiving our friends and family will help clear our minds of suspicions and unnecessary mistrust. True, we should glean wisdom from past relationships, but closing all doors to new ones, or abusing the ones we have, is not the answer. In forgiving, we will not deprive ourselves of the wonderful friendships we had in the past, nor the new relationships God has lined up for us in the future. If Absalom had forgiven his brother, he could have been the next king. A major benefit of forgiveness is freedom from a negative past and a bright hope for tomorrow!

In summation, forgiveness is indispensable to a healthy relationship. In forgiving, we heal our minds of pain from the past so that we can embrace the future that awaits us without fear. In refusing to forgive, we lack trust and hope for old and new relationships. Forgiveness is a far superior option to unforgiveness.

Forgiveness Prayer
Lord, help me to continue to enjoy the friendships of people. May my intolerance and unforgiving heart not deprive me of having them in my life. As you have been patient with me, grant me the same ability to be patient with others. I receive your grace and wisdom to deal with the various relationships in my life, in Jesus’ name.

Discussion
1. Describe a time when refusing to forgive had an effect on your friendships.
2. How do you relate to the story of Absalom?
3. How has forgiveness helped you look toward the future more?
4. What is the most important lesson you’ve taken away from this chapter?