Disappointment is a drag. It literally means that you didn’t get your way. The kicker is, we need disappointment in order to grow, become better and basically, become a good person. People who have never been disappointed before are well, jerks. So, if we need disappointment in order to be better, how can disappointment also be a total waste of time? Let’s learn how to make disappointing events work FOR us, make us better and happier.

In this episode we will learn:
~Why we need disappointment to become better people
~Why, at the same time, disappointment is a total waste of time
~How to stay open, and get past the crappy feels of disappointment and move onto the good stuff
~Om Shanti ~ A Meditation for Peace

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Quotes:
“We need disappointment to build resilience. When you can get through something difficult, your brain remembers and rewards you.” -Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW

“Disappointed? Consider yourself lucky. No one wants to be around someone who has never been disappointed.” -Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW

Books, ideas, people, websites mentioned in this episode:
Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself By Michael Singer https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1963638.The_Untethered_Soul

The Host for this podcast:
Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW
The Stress Therapist and Author

Twitter: @stresstherapy
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Cheri Augustine Flake (Author of Honey Do to Honey DONE!)

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A word from your host, Cheri Flake, LCSW:
Feeling good after our Stress Therapy session? Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, The Stress Therapist on social media and you can always go to iLoveTherapy.com to find out about meditation retreats and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there. Do you live in Georgia? Are you ready to be one of my clients? Go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free consultation with me. But at the very least, go to my website and jump on my mailer so, you don't stress or miss one thing!

Time Stamps/Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to disappointment and how we’re going to get through this together
00:43 Trailer
01:15 why disappointment is both necessary and a complete waste of time
06:41 Why we need disappointment in our lives and how it can work wonders in your life
02:52 Resiliency and disappointment
06:04 Disappointment is a coping skill
06:55 Why disappointment is a huge waste of time
08:52 Disappointment is the beginning of your story, not the end
10:43 Make a decision to not be disappointed, to move on, to see what’s next
13:13 The unexpected benefits of disappointing events
15:04 Introduction to Om Shanti Meditation
18:13 Binaural Beats (alpha)
25:51 Om Shanti guided Meditation Out
28:53 Mediation Retreat info on Jekyll Island New Year’s weekend
30:11 Closing remarks about being open vs. closed when you are disappointed
32:35: Outro


Transcript notes:

Cheri Flake: Hey, beautiful people. Disappointment blows. No one likes to feel disappointed, right? But we kind of need it in order to learn from our mistakes and get better at things and just be amazing. So today we're going to talk about how to leave behind all the crappy feels of disappointment. But hang on to all those benefits. Season Four stress therapy, one on one. So relax, settle in, because your stress therapy session is about to begin right now. Hey, beautiful people. It's time for some stress therapy, a podcast about how to meditate and get better at stress for people living in the real world. Finally, a place to park my 25 plus years of experience of working as a psychotherapist in the mental health field. And now, your host, me, the stress therapist, Sherry Flake. Hey, beautiful people. Okay, so today we're going to be talking about disappointment and disappointment blows. I think we can all agree disappointment is a huge drag, but it's very tricky. As a therapist, I have seen disappointment work wonders in people's lives. Like, you can actually utilize it to make your life better at the same time acknowledging that it's a total waste of time and that you don't need it at all. I know it sounds crazy. It's totally out there. It's both things. It's wonderful and horrible. And I'm going to show you just how to get all of the benefits and leave behind all the crappy feels. Okay? Ready? So this is why it's tricky. We need disappointment in our lives in order to learn, in order to grow, in order to make changes in our business and personal lives, in order to get rid of crappy boyfriends and maybe get a little pickier about who we're going to hang out with. It's important that we have it because it's kind of an emotional guidance system, much like many emotions are, right? And it gives us an idea of steering us. Are we in alignment with our purpose? Because when we're in alignment with our true purpose, we feel good, and when we're not, it feels bad. Now, that may simplify it a little bit too much for you, but I'm going to break it down. The reason why we need disappointment is because of resilience, okay? We do need it in order to do all of those beautiful things the way I can prove to you the bottom line, which is that we really do need disappointment to be good people, is right here. No one wants to be around someone who's never been disappointed, okay? So that's why, as hard as it is and as much as it breaks your heart into, I totally get it.

Cheri Flake: Because I'm a mom too, we have.

Cheri Flake: To allow our kids to experience disappointment. It is horrible to watch. It's awful. I mean, I don't even know. The other day, my boy asked me for shoes that were $145. I'm like, dude, I don't even have shoes that are $145. What are you thinking? Absolutely not. And he was crushed. I mean, this kid sincerely thought that that was an option. I mean, that right there is my fault altogether and a whole other issue. But he was crushed, and, I mean, it was about something so material, so dumb, it was about a thing. It wasn't even about, like, when I watch him get bummed when he loses a tennis match or when someone at school has disappointed him. Someone tricked him the other day into doing their math homework. It was their math homework and not his. I don't know how that went down. That seems very confusing to me and very suspicious, but it was about shoes, you know what I'm saying? And he was so disappointed. He was completely crushed, and it was so hard for me to watch that. And, like, I mean, come on, as an outsider looking in, you're like, please, kid. I mean, come on, please. So he's disappointed. Big whoop, you know what I mean? But it's important that he sits through that, that he experiences what it's like to be disappointed. It really doesn't matter what the subject matter is and that he's able to get through it because it builds resiliency. It gives him confidence that he can get through any time, that he's really, really, really upset or emoting in a way that is difficult. Right? And when we get through that on our own, we are better. We are better. We learn that we can get through hard times. I'm definitely making quote marks right now, okay? Because this is a first world, like, on top elitist problem, okay? And believe me, I recognize that. But that's why it's such a good example, because to my boy at the time, it was major. He was super sad, and now he's got to come up with a plan on how he's going to afford them and how he's going to earn money in order to contribute to these shoes that he really wants that I think are a complete waste of money. But anyway, he's doing problem solving. He's planning. He's learning all of these life skills just to get these dumb shoes, right? And he wouldn't be doing any of those things if I went and bought them for him. And a lot of times I would see individuals who talk about their kids struggling in high school and that they need medications to get through high school and get through the stress and anxiety of high school. And I get it. There's a lot of stress and anxiety in high school, but part of it is learning how to get through it on your own, learning those skills, those coping skills, and facing absolutely horrific awful like, high school is rough. It's hard. I mean, you're trying to figure out who you are, what you're going to wear, who you're going to be, who you're going to hang out with, what you want to do. There's a thousand things going on, and your brain is not fully developed to handle all of these types of decisions, and it's overwhelming, and there's a lot of emoting going on. But if you can get your kids and yourself to get through a tough time, your brain remembers it and rewards you. I mean, you have those skills forever now, and you know how to get through something tough on your own, and that is an amazing feeling. Okay, now let's talk about the flip side, disappointment. It's a huge waste of time. Yes, it is. It's a huge waste of time. What