March 11, 2002
Why I don’t wish to be a kid again

I find great challenges as being the elements that make up the person I am. When attacked by others, the emptiness remains, destroying the drive of origins first thought. I do not like to fight! I only wish to defend. I don’t race onto the streets of victory when others are damaged! Nor do I pride myself in being the revenge king. Make no mistake, when I hurt… so do a lot of others. Not because I lay my guilt or anger on them, but they reach to me to motivate, and when it’s not available, the sun retreats. I’ve been handed these reins because of my willingness to die—I don’t fear it, and will take in my final breath protecting someone enduring an endless beating.

note: As a child, I would stand at the top of the stairs, and listen to my father whipping my sister. I did all I could to take his anger and put it on me. I couldn’t stand to hear her cry. Those same traits are still with me today. Every bit of my troubles is based on me trying to save someone.