The Offender Does Not Acknowledge Your Hurt
When someone offends you, you expect that person not only to acknowledge that he or she has hurt you, but also to show you that he or she is truly sorry for having done so. In this lesson, you will come to understand that your forgiveness should not be contingent upon the apology of your offender. In letting them go, you are the one who reaps the benefits. You follow in the footsteps of your Savior, who forgave His offenders without waiting for their apology.Practical ways to carry out this practice are provided.

The Offender Does Not Acknowledge Your Hurt
There may be many reasons why you are reluctant or unwilling to forgive the one who hurt you so badly. When you understand the reasons for such reluctance, you can more readily find a solution to it. One reason for this is that diagnosis leads to finding a cure.

Apology and forgiveness
When someone offends you, you expect that individual not only to acknowledge that they have hurt you, but also to show you that they are truly sorry for having done so. You feel you deserve this, even more so considering those terrible consequences that you have had to endure. No doubt these are legitimate reasons for your reluctance to forgive. The question then is, is my forgiveness meant to be based on their apology and my conviction that they are indeed sorry? The Bible does not subscribe to either of those stipulations as a condition for letting go of an offender.
You are called to forgive them regardless of whether they apologize or not. It is acceptable and indeed scriptural to let them know how they have hurt you. Some will apologize, but others will not.

Reasons people will not apologize
They may not apologize because they are afraid you may use it against them.
Some may have had a nasty experience in the past when the one to whom they apologized embarrassed them in some fashion.

Some simply do not know how to express their remorse; they are not used to doing so.
Some will apologize by their actions, perhaps by buying you a gift or through some other means that demonstrates their remorse and serves as an apology. Meet them at their level. Accept it. And if they still will not, and all resources are exhausted, your duty is to obey God and forgive.
There are more reasons why people may not want to apologize, but you should not allow these to deter you from being forgiving. You set your emotions and your desires aside in order to obey your superior. Jesus Christ, your primary example, did not expect the Pharisees to come kneeling before Him and ask for the forgiveness of their sins. On the cross, as He was being taunted by His enemies and they were casting lots for his clotlhing, He prayed for their forgiveness.

Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots (Luke 23:34).

Remember that forgiveness is not for your offender, it is for you; you forgive because you want to please God and because you want to reap the benefits of forgiveness. As a reminder, in forgiving others, you secure your own forgiveness. Forgiving others frees you from emotional torments such as anger, hurt, resentments and so on. Another benefit is the fact that you will be able to enjoy the emotional release that forgiveness brings. Also remember that forgiveness is primarily between you and God. Your offender does not have to be involved in it, except to alleviate them of their pain and to assure them that they are forgiven. Some will not care if you forgive them or not. But you should care; you can’t give up the benefits of forgiveness because of someone else’s “I don’t care” attitude. Your are meant to obey the Lord.

The secret of the LORD [is] with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant (Psalms 25:14).

Acknowledgment and reconciliation
Another significant reason why you may not want to forgive is that you sometimes confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. While God’s forgiveness leads to automatic reconciliation, ours does not always do the same. We are not bound to be reconciled with our offenders if the relationship is too toxic, too volatile, or if they do not wish to change their ways. What is required of us is to forgive them, to no longer hold anger, animosity, or resentment against them. That is where the difference lies.

Forgiveness in essence is unilateral. Your duty is to forgive regardless of the other person’s actions. Reconciliation, however, operates under a different principle.

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3)

For reconciliation to take place, you and your offender must come to terms and determine how to avoid the offense in the future. For example, if a friend always embarrasses you in public by his rough attitude or familiarity with you, you might say you will not go out with him anymore unless he promises you that he will not publicly embarrass you again. If he fails to make that promise to you and gives the explanation that he simply wants to be free to do as he pleases, or that you are being oversensitive, you may protect yourself by refraining from going out with him, That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the end of your friendship. If you intend it to be as such, it may simply be a display of malice and retaliation. We can still continue with out friendships without putting ourselves in harm’s way.

To summarize, your forgiveness is not dependent on the apology of your offender. You forgive them, irrespective of their response. In letting them go, you are the one who reaps the benefits. You do not want your blessings to be delayed because you continue to wait for an apology that may never come. You follow in the footsteps of your Savior, who forgave His offenders without waiting for their apology. You forgive because so much depends on it.

And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses (Mark 11:25).

Forgiveness Prayer
Lord, help me to forgive even when my offenders do not own up to their offense. May I always focus on you and see you as the One I am to obey. May my fear of you exceed my frustration at their lack of remorse and refusal to apologize. When my strength wanes, be my strength to release them of their offences, no matter how difficult it may be, in Jesus’ name.

Personal Reflection/Discussion
1. Has anyone ever failed to acknowledge they have hurt you? How did you deal with the situation?
2. Do you find it easier to forgive if you understand why someone hasn’t apologized? Why or why not?
3. What are a few reasons you haven’t apologized to someone you’ve hurt in the past?
4. How do you personally rely on God during times when it’s difficult to forgive?
GOD BLESS YOU