Every day, we witness people acting in rude and selfish ways. Whether they cut in front of us at Starbucks, snap at the overburdened waitress at Denny’s, or take credit for their employee’s project at work, jerks seem to be everywhere. And since these self-centered individuals are, by definition, unable and unwilling to address their objectionable behavior, there really isn’t much we can do about them.
But Dr. Mark Borg, a New York City-based psychologist who has seen his fair share of insolent behavior, thinks there is a lot we can do. In his upcoming book, DON’T BE A DICK: Change Yourself, Change Your World (A Central Recovery Press paperback; on sale November 19, 2019), Borg argues that if we are brutally honest about our own behavior, we’ll see that there is much we can change. Because it turns out that many of us are, in fact, dicks… and true to form, we don’t realize that we are.
Borg asserts that absolutely anyone under the right circumstances can be a dick. Why? Because we are reacting to others who are breaking a set of rules that we have created in our own minds. And others don’t usually play by our rules (especially if they don’t know those rules exist). So whether the rule is “no one should ride a bike on the sidewalk,” “my significant other can’t act too needy,” or “my employee should be available on email over the weekend,” we set others up to let us down; and by doing so, we rationalize our bad behavior towards them.
But in the end, being a dick ultimately prevents us from attaining the things we want the most: personal fulfilment, workplace satisfaction, a loving committed relationship, and/or lifelong friendships. So, if we notice that our seemingly justifiable behavior leads us to feel fairly isolated in our daily lives, we must commit to unlearning our dickish ways.
In DON’T BE A DICK, Borg encourages readers to do just that by helping us to:
explore how we might be acting like jerks in our daily lives
discover why we have adopted a dickish behavioral pattern
learn the difference between being right and righteous
realize how the “myth of cathartic relief” hinders our ability to have healthy relationships
develop the skills to deal with difficult people at home and in the office
understand why our closest relationships are the easiest to sabotage, regardless of whether the dickish behavior is theirs or ours