Summary

In this episode, David Cotton interviews Kristin Kalbli, the host of Our Voices podcast and an LGBT ally. Kristin shares her experience as a straight spouse and her mission to help others in similar situations. They discuss the signs that Kristin missed in her marriage, the impact of her husband's coming out on their relationship, and the importance of honesty and communication in the coming out process. Kristin asks David about his own coming out to his spouse. They also talk about the creation of a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses, and the need for support and understanding for both parties involved.

Takeaways

• The coming out process can have a significant impact on straight spouses, who may feel betrayed, confused, and humiliated.
• Honesty and open communication are crucial in the coming out process, both for the LGBT spouse and the straight spouse.
• Straight spouses may have questions and need time to process the news, and it's important for the LGBT spouse to be patient and understanding.
• Creating a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses can help avoid unnecessary pain and damage in the relationship.
• Support and empathy are essential for both parties involved in a mixed orientation marriage.

Sound Bites

• "The hardest thing that took me the longest to forgive was not that he was gay, not that he was in the closet, but that he didn't let me go so that I could find a loving relationship with a man who was interested in me, loved me, desired me, wanted to have a robust sexual relationship with me."
• "If you're in a position to honor what your spouse would like, whether that's answering their questions or giving them no contact for a while, I think following their lead on that is wise."
• "Pride month can be really difficult for straight spouses. And that's not an indication of bigotry. Many straight spouses have LGBT kids and are fierce allies and defenders of their kids, right? But pride month can be really painful because then you ask yourself the question, well, if he's living his true self now, then I was a part of a lie."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background
01:09 Kristin's Experience as a Straight Spouse
09:49 Resources for Straight Spouses
14:11 The Coming Out Process and Its Impact
28:46 Preparing to Come Out to a Straight Spouse
31:31 Supporting the Straight Spouse
35:42 Honesty and Accountability
39:34 Conclusion

Information About Kristin Kalbli and OurPath

• Out Path Out Voice:  https://ourpath.org/our-voices/
• Guide to coming out as lesbian, gay or bisexual to your straight partner or spouse - by OurPath:  https://emfjjpdexyu.exactdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/OP-GuideToComingOutLGB-r1.pdf

Book Recommendation

• The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, by Amity Pierce Buxton - https://a.co/d/129LQiC  

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com  

YouTube Edition:  https://youtu.be/vv20ZumingY  

YouTube Channel:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg  

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com  

Contact David:  mailto:david@davidcottoncoaching.com